Sabtu, 01 Januari 2011

Should I Get Divorced?

All the couples would have wanted her marriage happy and lasting a lifetime. But in reality after several years of marriage, it seems all hope is shattered and the divorce was on the verge of the eye. Even more confusing, you yourself may not know what the real reason that makes the life of your marriage is falling apart.

When you try to heal the pain your heart and decide what to do, maybe you see divorce as a way out right. The road you may take after thinking all sorts of things like "you marry the wrong person," "You're too young when she got married", "you never really love your spouse," "Your partner is less communication", as well as the reasons -Another reason that makes you feel there is no other way again.

But be careful, lest you make a decision when he was in a frantic thoughts or emotions, because it could be that you will regret it later someday. Before taking a very important decision for you and your entire family, should consider the following things so you do not either take a step and ready to face the challenges of post-divorce life.

Many studies have shown that the actual marriage ended in divorce generally have a level of happiness and high conflict, with the scale 6 of 10. In other words, physically and emotionally is actually quite feasible to be maintained as long as it can improve the quality of their marriages by changing some of the things small and basic, and working on it together.
Life expectancy in people who are divorced is lower compared with those who are single or married. Precisely those who are in the marriage bond has the longest life expectancy.
Other research reveals that couples who are not happy with her marital life today, tend to find happiness in the next five years compared with the grief they get if you do divorce.
Divorce was a negative impact on health, both physically and mentally. People diagnosed with cancer were more likely to recover when they were married than if they divorced. In addition, couples who divorce usually have a mental impairment such as depression, self-acceptance, inhibit the development of personality and damage positive relationships with others, especially in women. This suggests that post-divorce emotional trauma having an impact on mental health as well.
Often the divorce is considered as a way to end the fighting and settle the issue, and also make subsequent marriage as cure wounds. But apparently it is not always true, because the next marriage after divorce have a higher risk for divorce than first marriages. The factors that caused the first divorce will continue to haunt the next marriage, so that later you will try to avoid and as if being chased by those things.
Divorce will also cause a bad relationship between parents and children. But more worrying again, the children of families broken home who have more deviant behavior and the potential to become a criminal because lost one parent figure, both father and mother. In addition, they also usually worse in terms of academic at school and left of his friends who come from families harmonious.

Positive Effects of Divorce on Children

Many couples involved serious conflicts within the household, chose not to survive a divorce. Their reasons, for the sake of the children.

But, according to the latest research in the United States, it turns out the children will suffer adverse effects if still living with parents who fight continues, as quoted from Timesofindia.

Children from families who are often in conflict will experience the same conflict-ridden relationships in adult life, when compared with children whose parents often quarrel but decided to divorce.

"Implications of the most basic thing is do not stay together for the kids if you are in a marriage had collapsed," said researcher Constance Gager from Montclair State University in New Jersey.

The study also revealed, conflict between parents who are constantly going to cause their children relationship in the future to be worse.

"If they continue to be in the middle of an argument and the parents stay together, it means they will always be affected by the conflict. Meanwhile, if their parents divorce, at least there is an opportunity for parents to reduce conflict after divorce," said Gager.

Some studies also revealed that children who have divorced parents are more likely to experience divorce in adult life. But this is not yet clear whether caused by their own divorce or parental conflict is a profound effect on relationships that their children would.

For this study, Gager and his colleagues analyzed the results of a national survey involving nearly 7,000 couples get married and their children in the United States.
As a result, children whose parents often fight, but finally divorced in fact have a better relationship in later adult life, compared with children who have parents who often quarrel but did not decide to divorce.

This research has considered the various factors that affect the child's development when they become adults. For example, do children tend to have trouble associating with others or not.

But, does not mean that divorce will not affect the children in the short term, the researchers said. "Research has shown, children will experience a crisis for one or two years when the parents divorced. But, they are resilient and bounce back from the divorce, "said Gager.

The research was presented last year at the Annual Meeting of the Population Association of America.

Overcoming the Dangers Within Marriage

Marriage can be saved for any problem. The destruction of marriage does not happen overnight. There must be a process before the destruction occurred. The process can be divided into four stages, from the lowest level of danger to the most high. By recognizing the stages of the danger that we can know the state of our marriage, so they can anticipate and resolve problems that might occur.

Phase I: Incidence Disorders, Signs:
• You say to yourself, 'little problems like that really brought up'
• You start to feel annoyed at the attitude or the words of her husband.
• You are reluctant to express your frustration to your husband.

Many people (especially women) who deliberately help but feel disappointed or upset to avoid conflict. And by avoiding the conflict he was unable to find a solution to the problem. In addition, her partner did not know that he had a problem.

The first stage is actually the easiest to overcome, because not too severe. The most fundamental step is to talk directly with the husband. For example, with pillow-talk techniques. He could convey the contents of his heart at bedtime or while lying in a relaxed atmosphere.

Phase II: The emergence of Pain Anger, Signs:
• Loss of enthusiasm for sex.
• Feeling loved, appreciated, understood.
• From a distance with her husband.

Stage of this danger grows because the signals at the first stage is negligible. Accumulated resentment that can make you angry. Suppressing anger means to curb the emotions. This is dangerous, because the passion for making love can be lost and an intimate relationship with her husband have started not comfortable anymore. To overcome this there is no way other than anger that erode the layer stack.

Phase III: Be Rejecting, Signs:
• No longer dependent on their husbands.
• The presence of the husband is considered disruptive.
• emotional relationship with her husband fade

In this stage the couple had 'own way'. From the outside it seems their relationship was fine, when in fact they have no emotional connection anymore. As there are no walls separating them.

To get out of this third threat, required third party assistance. Can the friend's husband, parents, or anyone else. The important thing to her husband's respect and listen to his advice. If it is deemed appropriate person does not exist, inevitably you are advised to see a marriage counselor.

Phase IV: No longer matter, Signs:
• Start lazy disagree or quarrel

This is the most dangerous stage in the marriage. The strange, so marriage until this stage, which was captured by the general impression is the opposite. This couple could be the envy of anyone who saw it. They look harmonious, full of understanding and mutual respect as an argument never even had a big fight. It turns out it was all a mask. They seem to appreciate each other, when in fact they've been lazy to different opinions.
Couples who from the outside looks very vulnerable indeed ripe. As soon as one felt there was no longer a need to maintain the bonds of marriage can break away. But that does not mean couples who arrive at this stage could not make up anymore. Originally there is a will to improve, there remains a road.

You can see from many cases of separation happened, they did not have the same vision. Do not let all the dangers that threaten your marriage. The desire that comes from the two sides to maintain the marriage is certainly more solid than that arising unilaterally.

Signs of Divorce Occurrence

Marriage is one man's life journey. When we have experienced marriages, the most difficult thing is to keep it. Many divorces occur due to a dispute or discrepancy in the household. Apparently there are many many factors that can create a rift in the house dates.

Results from research on divorce rates Anneli Rufus get 15 signs that normally initiate the divorce.

Here are some signs the sign:

1. Marriage age
If you are a young married woman before the age of 18 years, 48 percent probability of divorce within 10 years of marriage.

2. The desire to have children
If you are a woman who has a strong desire to have children than couples, is also a sign of divorce. Difference in perspective or the desire of children of divorce triggered two times greater than couples who agree to have a child.

3. Number of children for women and men
If you have two boys, reaching 36.9 percent chance of divorce. While having two daughters, the possibility of divorce is higher, around 43.1 percent.

4. Testosterone Levels
Men with high testosterone levels also have high divorce trends, about 43 percent. And men with low testosterone levels, have a smaller chance to get a divorce.

5. Children with ADHD
If your child is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), the possibility of divorce by 22.7 percent before the child was eight years old. While healthy children of parents without a diagnosis of ADHD, marriage will tend to be more secure.

6. Ability to learn and receive pairs
The ability of you or your spouse can accept or recognize each other more deeply affect the quality of marriage. People who do not know each other in depth, tend to run no lasting marriage.

7. photo when childhood
Consider photograph your childhood. If you smile, sign your marriage will last. In the meantime, if your image is still small inclined without expression, this does not bode well. You are more likely to divorce.

8. The baby died at the age of 20 weeks
Those who have experienced miscarriage, the baby died at 20 weeks gestation, or die during childbirth, or after birth, leading to marital problems. The possibility of divorce for couples who experience this adverse event reached 40 percent.

9. Disease in men and women
Women who are diagnosed with cancer affect marriage relationships. The possibility that could happen is the divorce rate six times higher. Conversely, men diagnosed with cancer, do not always make a marriage destroyed.

10. Unlike the nation's Marriage
Marriage is different and distant countries into the causes of high divorce rates. As an illustration, if the women of Central Asian couples get married with different countries and live apart, the divorce rate reached 98 percent. While African-American woman who lived separately with their partners the possibility of divorce is high (72 percent), but lower than the Central Asian women and women living in the former colony of Spain or Hispanic.

11. Careers
Professional dancer or choreographer to have a higher divorce rate, reaching 43.05 percent. While the mathematician, the chances of divorce 19.15 percent and 22.5 percent of animal trainers.

12. Farmers versus engineers
Life in the countryside as a farmer has the possibility of divorce is higher, with 7.63 percent, compared with nuclear energy expert, 7.29 percent.

13. Brain injury
Either you or your partner suffers a brain injury, marriage will lead to divorce. But not many in number, only 17 percent of couples who decide to end the marriage because of this problem.

14. Asian women more likely to survive
in the Asian region over a few women who divorce in first marriages, only 20 percent. Compare with Hispanic women (34 percent), Caucasian (32 percent), and African-Americans (47 percent).

15. military career
Women with careers in the military have a tendency to divorce is 250 percent higher. Conversely, marriage with a man who had military careers tend to be more secure.
The above factors are just a raw data. Of course you and your partner has its own way to maintain a marriage relationship with compromise and tolerance. If you and your spouse has one of the 15 signs, do not get discouraged. By recognizing some signs of divorce, you and your spouse may be prudent to handle this problem, which occurred in the household.

Why do women file for divorce more often than men?

Every couple wants marriage lasting forever. Over time, there was a marriage which foundered due to divorce. Recent research shows, most of the divorce comes from the desire of his wife. While the husbands would not be too long a widower after the divorce.

An AARP survey was initiated to find a mate who will or have been divorced, 66 percent came from women's desire for a divorce. While the man who wants the divorce as much as 41 percent.

After divorce, most ex-husband will soon be seeking a new life pendampng. "Only 33 percent of men who claimed not to be re-married after divorce," says the survey, as quoted from MSBNC.

As for women, divorce gives freedom and personal identity. As many as 43 percent of divorced women will worry they experienced a similar incident when she got married again. "Most women who divorce recognizes happier than when they were married."

Author of 'Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart', Sherry Argov, said there were differences in views between men and women to the cause of the failure of households and the desire to get married.
For men, marriage means the responsibility for family finances and women to meet household needs. In the event of divorce, the man left the house but still bear the needs of her children. Gender equality and work to make the man with the experience of divorce would choose a younger woman.

As for women, marriage means the obligation increases. Birth control is often made women to pursue a career path is higher.

Since childhood, girls imagine spoken for a man who asked her to marry. Marriage for most women, according to Argov, is a picture of the queen one day. Most girls dream of them wearing a white dress with all views towards him.

The opposite occurs in men, which is depressed because the center of attention at a wedding. In addition, the men chose not to repeat all the hassles that occur when taking care of the wedding. If divorced, he wants a longer relationship with a new partner.

Impact of Divorce on Children

Divorce in a marriage can not be separated from effects on children. Many factors are considered first before explaining about the impact the development of children after a divorce between fathers and their mothers.

These factors could include changes in the child's age and stage of child development, conflict after divorce, child gender and parenting styles after divorce. All it can illustrate how the impact of divorce granted due to the development of the child at the time and the future.

Age and Growth Changes

Age of children at the time of divorce should be considered. The response of small children on divorce response mediated by the limited cognitive and social competence, their dependence on parents.

Not yet mature cognitive and social factors they will be more profitable they are as a teenager. During adolescence, they remembered less about the conflict and divorce that occurred when they were little. But it is undeniable that they are also disappointed and angry over the development of their growth without the presence of an intact family or never divorced.

Children who have a teenager and experiencing parental divorce are more likely to remember the conflict and stress surrounding the divorce was ten years later, in their early adulthood. They also seemed disappointed with the state of those who grow up in families that are not intact.

They also become concerned when their lives would not be better if they do not do something better. In adolescence they can go in and trapped and drug problems of juvenile delinquency in adolescents who experienced parental divorce at a small and growing adolescents in intact families.

Conflict

Many separation and divorce is a matter of very emosiaonal who drowned children into the conflict. Conflict is a critical aspect of family functioning that are often more severe than the effect of family structure on child development.

For example, divorced families with relatively low koflik better than an intact family but with relatively high conflict. In the years after the divorce conflict has not subsided but it could be growing. At this time, boys from divorced families showed more adjustment problems than children from intact families whose parents are there.

During the first year after divorce, the quality of care that parents are often poorly done. Parents are often busy with the needs of their own needs and adjustments such as depression, confusion and emotional instability.

During the second year after divorce, parents are more effective in mnegerjakan child-care tasks, particularly girls.

Sex and Essentials of Child Care

The sex of the child and parental caregiver is an important consideration in evaluating the effect of divorce on child development. Children who live with parents carers with gender equality show that more competent social conditions such as happier, more independent, and more adults than in children who live with a parent carer of the opposite sex.

In an another study, found that adolescents with both sexes male and female who lived with mother's family will be able to make adjustments from the father lived with the family.

Conclusions about children from divorced families. In short, a large number of children who grow up in a divorced family. Most children initially experience severe stress when their parents divorced and they are at risk of behavioral problems Develop problem. But divorce can also release children from marital conflict. Many children who experience parental divorce to be a competent individual.

Family Development Pattern

Coaching children is a very noble task. Parents play an important role in fostering children in the household environment, because parents almost every day at home. Family environment is the environment first and foremost, parents must be a major figure in the work of foster children. In association together with their children, especially when they were children, so parents should always be a mentor and friend they are good also.

Mother as a supervisor and regulator of households, both poor guidance to their children it will affect the character and character development of children in the future.

The best way to nurture children in order to develop his character and his character is by example to them. Self-control is also need to be taught a mother to child in the household, because a child who can control themselves, happiness means the doors will open to him.

That is why a mother should nurture her child to control his behavior through the guidance that starts from the family. For children who are not nurtured his behavior patterns and unable to control himself, then later will have difficulty in social relationships in the association community.

For every mother, educate their children not only after birth until an adult, but must begin in the womb by way of maintaining himself from any negative psychological effects, because it will be a lot of factors also influence the children who are in in her womb.

An assumption that mothers work at home small value is false. Indeed, the task of educating children is not a small matter. Let every mother will insyaf sanctity responsibilities. No other work can be equated with job creation disposition.

Any number of people in this world who does not realize her mother's love and sacrifice, so that not a few of the mothers who did not do duty properly to their offspring. Not least young children who eventually become damaged because they do not feel the love the mother in the household. Feeling less attention from parents cause their children anxious and less satisfied.

In everyday life, can be seen the existence of a continuous relationship between the mother with her child. Naturally this creates a reciprocal relationship, which gradually will raise feelings of affection between the two sides. The nature of the relationship and the child will affect the mental development of children in the future.


If a mother has to educate their children about how to honor, obey, self-control, and has an honest nature, means that a mother has prepared her children a strong and sincere personality, educated noble and ready to mingle in society.

In our society, there is often a presumption that the task is to keep the mother and father's duty to work for money. A father does not deserve to make or provide a milk bottle, hold, bathe and change clothes, in other words there is division of duties and strict liability between the father and mother. For the development of the child or for the sake of domestic harmony, the assumption that such is actually harmful. A father to a certain limit must involve themselves in everyday family life. Caring for infants and children is not the monopoly of the mother. With one-time follow provide infant formula, bathing and so forth. In addition will increase respect for the wife to her husband, also will terbina emotional bond between father and son.

To run the leadership and supervision in the household is required patience, fortitude, justice and dignity high.

The study, which exists today has proved that the father factor is a very important factor in the formation of children's personalities. According to psychoanalytic theory that: "My father is a figure of identification (in addition to the mother) for children, while children make personal or father as a benchmark of comparison for their own behavior."

In addition, the father is also a protective figure, who in the eyes of a child is a person who will save her, if at any time there is a danger threatens. Clearly, that if the father did his role well, the child will grow up to be people who have personality steady. Conversely, if the dad is less a role in the lives of children, then the child will lose grip and always felt hesitant in addition to lack of confidence.

In child development, it is necessary to parental responsibility should be taken include:
- Treat the children are gentle and affectionate
- Instilling a sense of loving kindness
- Educate morals
- Educate neighbors and community
- Preventing or prohibiting the free association
- Keep things porn

As a parent who is responsible for the future and development of children, it is natural to know the things that can be done by children, for children of the world and the hereafter.

Children need constant attention, and this can only be given by the mother, because the mother who since the beginning of the birth of the child, has known characteristics and trends of child psychology.

Foster child's curiosity, it's not an easy thing, because it takes patience high. In answering the question the child's mother must show concern and the answer really, although the length of the answers given are not especially convoluted and difficult to understand by kids, but enough with short answers are tailored to children's understanding.

Overview of the children as ignorant and do not know anything about nature and life, but they actually have the power of comprehension and memory that is infinitely greater than our estimates. Of the many questions they ask in a day, there must be a signed and recorded well in his brain.

A child who has aged under five years old (toddlers) actually have the power of comprehension and memory and the ability to memorize great. This is reasonable because their brain has not been used to thinking about other things. By him that the child's education is not only begins at age seven years and above but just when the child was a toddler. Thus, in Islamic education, to develop and guide the child's basic abilities are divided into 4 periods, namely:

First Period (from birth-6 years). In this period the child should be accustomed to a good job and should be protected from bad habits and can damage the ruqyah.
Second Period (6-10 years). In this period children are educated in terms kesosialan where the child began to learn to understand important aspects of socialization, such as:
- Learning to obey the rules of group
- Learn loyal friend
- Learning does not depend on others
- Learning to cooperate
- Learning to accept responsibility
- Learn to compete with others in a healthy
- Learn about sports and games group
- Learn the meaning of justice, democracy, honesty and sincerity
- Studying the behaviors that can be accepted by the surroundings.

Given the importance of the values that will be received from this process, the development of education in a normal and extremely conducive required.

Third Period (10-13 years). At this period is the period of transition from childhood to adolescence in which the child begins to behave independently in.
One of the most important meaning in this period is the size and weight of the child grew older and it has a vitality and passion higher than that, insightful knowledge and understanding of children more widely.

By looking at this huge potential, the education should be directed to the practical activities and are associated with Islamic values.

Fourth Period (13 years and over). In this period the child begins to mature in thinking because it is developmental psychologists determined that the most important feature of this period is the occurrence of physical development is quite rapid and appears new glands that produce growth hormone in children's self was a teenager.

Formation Process Inner Child Discipline

Children's self-discipline is a product of discipline. Discipline requires a learning process. At the beginning of the learning process necessary to the efforts of parents. This can be done by:
(1) Train
(2) Getting used to behave in accordance with the values based on moral reference. If a child has been trained and accustomed to behave in accordance with moral values then,
(3) the need for parental controls to develop it.

Third attempt is called an external control. Control of democracy and openness makes it easier for children to internalize moral values. These external controls can create a world unity that will become an essential requirement of appreciation shared between parent and child. Thus, self-discipline is a behavior that can be accounted for as controlled by moral values are internalized.

In this context, the efforts of parents to raise children's self-control based on religious moral values seyokyanya as defined in the other moral values (the value of social, economic, scientific / learning, democracy, cleanliness and order). In other words, all these moral values as much as possible a reflection of religious values as it gives clear direction to the child and reflect the nuances of religious self-discipline.

Thus, it can be concluded that when the parents in helping children to have self control, meaning they have actually been able to:
(1) helping the child to have self-management,
(2) to intervene in children's self
(3) give positive values to children
(4) provide appropriate punishments.

Thus, every effort made in helping children be preceded by the appearance of absolute:

First. Exemplary behavior. That is, every behavior is not just a behavior that is mechanical, but must be based on the awareness that his behavior would be imitation and identification of land for children. Therefore, pengaktualisasiannya have always aimed at the observance of moral values, especially when meeting with the children.

Second, self-awareness should also be passed on to her children by encouraging them to obey kesehariaannya behavior moral values. Therefore, parents always helped them to be able to perform self-observation through dialogical communication, both verbally and non verbally about the behavior of moral obedience. Because with this dialogical communication that will bridge the gap, the desire and purpose between him and his children, who often become the trigger of children behaving aggressively or not disciplined.

Third. Dialogical communication that occurs between parents and their children, especially those related to efforts to help them to solve problems, with regard to moral values. This means they have been able to intervene peacefully to errors or irregularities that do not obey the behavior of moral values and have made efforts to how to improve it. In other words, parents have been able to control the behavior of their children so that they still have and improve moral values as the basis for a disciplined behavior.

Through these controls, meaning parents have been doing supervision and guidance to their children to behave in accordance with moral values. These controls also contains parental controls on the association of children with their peers so as not to engage in dialogue with new values that conflict with religious moral values. In the control children's behavior, parents can impose penalties, if it is felt it is necessary to sensitize children on behavior-behavior that deviates so it can realign.

Fourth, further efforts to enrich children's adherence to moral values can diaktualisasikannya in managing the physical environment which is called physical moments. This can support the creation of a climate that invites children in dialogue on moral values are packed for example, the wall hangings, mushalla, cabinets or bookshelves containing religious books that reflect the breath of religion, the room is clean, orderly, and items are arranged neatly reflect the breath of order and cleanliness, settings where learning and quiet atmosphere that reflects the breath of comfort and tranquility in conducting learning; selection of homes to enable children with moral values.

Fifth, the arrangement of physical environment which involves children and departed from his world would make children stronger in the possession of moral values and the invitees to improve it. This happens if parents can seek the kids for getting close and intimate with moral values. Efforts can be flashed by managing the social environment because the arrangement can be packaged moral values in the pattern of family relationships, communication, teamwork and the indications of education. Setup is a realization of parents in the account for his role, namely to provide assistance to foster self-control child. Accordingly, in managing the social environment, parents are required to create a pattern of communication between family members who charged moral values. This communication pattern can be done through movement, touch, caress, a smile, expression, or expression of words.

Communication patterns can make family members become more familiar, have each other, and feel safe within the family.

Sixth, the arrangement of the social environment to bring the situation of togetherness among the children with parents. Situation of togetherness is the main prerequisite for the creation of appreciation and a meeting between parents and children.

Seventh, the arrangement of the educational environment will be more meaningful to children if it is able to present a climate that encourages mental state to learn moral values. Efforts can be made by parents is to set the psychological atmosphere in the family. Structuring the psychological atmosphere in the family touching emotional dimension and the accompanying psychological mood and feeling of family life.

Eighth, the arrangement of the arrangement of the psychological atmosphere even stronger if the moral values in a transparent manner described and translated into social order and culture in family life.

Based on the above efforts are needed as a guide in making changes and growth of children, maintain self-esteem, and in maintaining a close relationship between parent and child. Of the three guidelines that require a strategy born of parents have the ability to set the (management) of children, control children, and stimulate the children to behave in accordance with moral reference that is essentially meaningless by the actions of education. Next Combs stated that the assistance provided to parents of children for possession of self-discipline, so as to enable them to be able to: perceive the significance of moral values for themselves, have a positive outlook towards him, reading that has achieved success and give the motivations for increase it, and fostering a sense of community between him and the kids.

Meaning Families For Children

Families can be seen from the dimensions of blood ties and social relations. Families in the dimensions of a blood relationship is a social unity bound by blood relations among each other. Based on the dimensions of this blood relationship, the family can be divided into a large family and nuclear family. While the dimensions of social relationships, family is a social unit bound by a mutual relationship between the interaction and mutual influence between each other, although among them there is no blood relationship. Family based on the dimensions of social relations is called the family and family psychological pedagogical.

In psychological terms, the family is a group of people who live together in residence and each member feel the inner engagement resulting in mutual influence, mutual caring, and mutual surrender. While in the pedagogical sense, the family is "the one" communion of life woven by the affection between the pair of two kinds of people who confirmed the wedding, is meant to improve ourselves each other. In an effort to improve the complementarity and mutual self-realization that sometimes the role and function as a parent.

In various dimensions and the family's understanding, the essence of the family (mother and father) is unity and the one goal is to seek wholeness in children to own and develop an attitude of discipline.

Integrity of the parents (father and mother) in a family is needed in helping children to have and develop an attitude of discipline. Families who are "intact" provide great opportunities for children to build confidence in both parents, which is an essential element in helping children to have and develop discipline. Confidence of parents who felt by the children will lead to referrals, guidance, and assistance provided to parents of children and "integrated" and allows children to grasp the meaning of the efforts made.

If the household, community and school is joint human guidance, the household is the primary influencers stronger side in schools or in society. As leaders, parents should be able to guide, direct, supervise, influence and move the children to be filled with passion to provide motivation in children. Should parents be able to communicate so there is mutual trust with the child.

Actually, the parents knew about his son. From the experience since the baby is born until the time of our children already know the advantages and disadvantages, so it needed flexibility to alter behavior to want to excel. Parents should continue to pay attention to the child's development.

Families can create a comfortable atmosphere at home so that children enjoyed being near the leaders. Create a sense of security in itself, do not let our children feel safer in the environment of his friends than in the family environment.

Family Position Determining Levels In Discipline In Children

The essence of public education is the process of presenting the situation and conditions that allow as many subjects students broaden and deepen the meanings essential to achieve a humane life. Therefore, it will need a deliberate or conscious to invite him to act in accordance with the purpose of learning. Thus, the essence of public education, includes two dimensions of pedagogical dimensions and substantive dimensions. Pedagogical dimension is the present situation and condition of the students as much as possible invitees to broaden and deepen the substantive dimension.

General education carried out within the family, school and community. Thus, the family is one institution that expanded duties and responsibilities in achieving the goals of public education.

Essential purpose of public education is to strive for students to be individual subjects whole and integrated. To achieve these objectives, tasks and responsibilities of the family (parents) is to create conditions that include climate that can be lived the children to deepen and expand the essential meanings.

Parents can implement a way to create conditions that lived by the children to have the basics in developing discipline.

Education in the family provide religious beliefs, cultural values including the value of moral and social rules and views, skills and attitudes that support the life of society, nation, and state to a family member concerned.

Children who have the regularity of self-discipline based on religious values, cultural values, social rules, outlook on life, and attitude meaningful life for themselves, society and nation state. That is, parental responsibility is to strive for the child self-discipline to carry out a relationship with God who created it, himself, fellow humans, and the natural environment and other living things based on moral values.

Bernhard stated goal of self-discipline is to strive for the development of children's interests and develop a child into a good man, who would become friends, neighbors and good citizens.

Further indication that the upbringing and parents' attitudes that democratic dialogue makes the communication between children and parents and the warmth that makes the child feel accepted by parents so that there is linkage of feelings. Therefore, children who feel accepted by parents memungkingkan them to understand, accept, and internalize the "message" moral values it seeks to appreciated based on conscience.

Method of Educating Moral Child

Education of children in the family environment is the beginning and the center for the entire growth and development of children, to reach maturity or can be called a reach to himself.

It could be argued that the family is "school of child development." Because children in families where the facilities to grow and patterned well behaved. And according to the authors say that the family is "school of child development" because the environment keluargalah a child grow up and act in accordance with family circumstances, which took place on an ongoing basis to the level of maturity. A good strategy in the process of moral formation is a strategy that can give birth methods are good also. Because the method is a way in the implementation of the strategy.

Furthermore, in educating the children there are several methods you can use include:

1. Example Method

Good example of parents is required on the following:
  1. Consistent in implementing the exemplary attitude and noble character as one-time mistake in front of children, then terhapuslah everything good in his eyes.
  2. Most of the character that found admirable and exemplary examples of children from their parents. The nature generous, brave, trustworthy, respect others, etc is the nature of the child acquired the attitude of his parents he sees directly.
  3. Until the age of four, children make their parents as the ultimate example.
2. Methods Advice
Provide understanding is very important for the understanding of child development because that would make him understand what to do and what not to do. But often children want to try to do something contrary to their parents. Therefore, actions need to be shown or given a warning. If the warning is not observed and always make regardless of the Atua or family environment, parents need to treat the act by preventing the offense, so as not to be repeated again.
As a parent, while giving a sense of something that should be done and that should not be done should we really apply well, and not to break them, especially if kids see it. So also in providing rules and orders should see the condition and in accordance with the period, the age of development. Because we do not impose anything ourselves at will, but look, consider the condition of its development.

3. Habituation method

Habituation method is very important to be applied because the moral and spiritual formation is not sufficient without habituation early. To get used to living disciplined, orderly, please help in social life requires the continuous exercise every day and accompanied by example and role model, because of habituation without matched role model examples will be in vain.

4. Story Method

In Islam the story has the function of educational methods can not be replaced with a form of delivery other than language. Children love to listen to the story because they Hayal broad power and because of the story or stories can describe an event as real. Telling stories of the prophets will be able to arouse the child care because the stories of the Prophets contains the moral values that are displayed commendable either by pulling it possessed good character of the apostles or the patience and struggle in conveying the message.

5. Reward and punishment

As well as rewards for good deeds, nor punishment is one means of education. Among these punishments such as beating a means to educate children so as not to lazy to pray.

But that must be considered old ornag reward and punishment is that it does not make children forget what was done and done, just pay attention to the reward. This is where the needed role in providing parents how to make a good gift for children.

So also in giving punishment to children, should provide understanding of the errors it produces.

Children and Development

In Dictionary of Indonesian children is the second derivative.Children are a member of the family where the parents are the family leaders, as responsible for the safety of its citizens in the world and especially in the hereafter.

Further developments by Syamsu Joseph is a continuous change within the individual from the start birth to death. And development of the author means here is the development of the moral aspect, namely the changes experienced by a person towards the level of maturity that goes on an ongoing basis concerning the accretion of knowledge about the size of a child is good and bad.

According to Abu Ahmad in his book entitled "Developmental Psychology" says that one's moral development is closely related to social development of children in addition to the external influence of the development of thoughts, feelings and wishes of the child's self response.

Morality can not occur only through notions, without the exercises, habituation and examples of acquired since childhood. The habit is ingrained with gradually fade in accordance with the growth of intelligence, after that the child is given a moral notions. Next Zakiah Daradjat said that in moral development, religion has an important role, because the moral values that come from religion remained and did not vary by time and place.

In line with the above opinion Sabiq Barbari also said: knowledge acquired in childhood are very impressed, but not impressive when acquired in adulthood. As the green tree branches can be established easily, but if it has dried can not be enforced.

The process of moral development of children may be accomplished in several ways as follows:

Education Direct, namely by planting the notion of behavior is right and wrong, or good and bad by parents, teachers or other adults.
Identification, by way of identifying or mimic the appearance or behavior of someone who became his idol morals (such as parents, teachers, clerics, artists other adults).
The process of trial and error (trial and error), that is by developing moral behavior by trial and error. Behavior that brings praise or award will continue to be developed, while the behavior that brings a penalty will be terminated.
Robert J. Havighurst, has divided the stages of moral development into four stages a person, adjusted for the value / values that exist, namely:

1. Age 1-4 years: At this stage the size of the good and bad for a kid it depends on what is said by an adult. Although the child was not yet know the true nature or the difference between good and bad.

2. Age 4-8 years: At this stage the size of values for a child is born of (reality). Children can not interpret the things that implied from an act, the act was intentional or not, children do not know who he is just the reality.

3. Age 8-13 years: In this phase the children are familiar with the size of the inner good-bad (not real), although still limited.

4. Age 13 years and beyond: In this phase a child already well aware of decency tentag values (value). Children will obey or violate based on his understanding of the concept of value received. At this time the child is really a set of conditions to control himself.

Of the few opinions can be concluded that in the moral education of children should start small and stick to religion and religious education because the experience is felt as a child will determine the attitude of children as adults, and all of it is the responsibility of parents.

Fostering Emotional Child

At the beginning of its growth, a child does not have an emotional reaction to an abstract object such as love of beauty, honesty, truth, ethics and aesthetics as owned by an adult.

In the foster child's emotional relationship between parent and child is very important because parents are the center of the spiritual life of the child and as a cause berkenalannya with the great outdoors, then each child's emotional reactions and thoughts in the future, influenced by his attitude toward his parents since childhood.

According to A. Marzuki Choiran there are three criteria for parents who fail in fostering emotional intelligence of children, namely:

1) Parents who behave indifferent, ignore, underestimate and do not want to ignore the children's emotions.

2) Parents who behave negatively to children's emotions, and sometimes give punishment to the child when the child express his emotions.

3) Parents who can accept children's emotions and empathize with him, but do not want to provide guidance and conduct restrictions with real behavior.

Fostering a Child Personality

In the developing personality of children parents should understand the impulses and needs of children both psychologically and physically and can apply it in everyday life so that the target of raising children will be achieved as desired.

According Zakiah Daradjat, parents are the first private builder in the lives of children. Parental personality, attitude and way of life they are elements that are not directly education, which by itself would go into a private children who are growing it.

In line with the above opinion, Abu Ahmad said that parents have a role is first and foremost for their children to bring children to maturity, then parents should set a good example because children like to imitate their parents.

The existence of parents as first educators of primary and in laid the foundations of education for children by Abdullah Nasih Ulwan is:

"The first and last in charge of educating children with faith and morals, shaping it with a maturity of intellectual and physical balance and psychological well as pointing to the beneficial ownership of science and its cultural variety is the parent".

The primary duty of parents as educators in the family according to Abd al-Nahlawi there are two, namely:

1) Familiarize children to always remember the greatness and the greatness of God by getting them to think or mentafakkuri all God's creation.

2) Appears before the child's attitude of firmness in dealing with various violations of people astray, such as injustice, immoral life, and so forth.

Parents as Educators

Al-Gazaly opinion is as follows:

Coaching kids is something that is very important, because children as a trust for his parents. Sacred heart children like pearls, bright, clean of all that is meted upon it and leaning on him. So when he was accustomed to the good will he be good, be happy in this world and happy in the afterlife, while the father and the pendidiknya also get the reward.

Child in its development towards maturity always need guidance from parents. Similarly in instilling the attitude to learning for children, of course, need guidance from parents at home.

Parents as tutors or educators is an educational sub-systems or components that must exist and contribute to determine the education system, even holding a function and a central role in achieving educational goals, even holding a function and a central role in achieving educational goals. H. Abdurrahman, explaining that education is the motor of the mechanism of continuing education system, dynamist and stabilizers and mobilizers, educational events to reach the goal of education in order to achieve educational goals by actively involving learners.

Thus educators carry out its duties and obligations to educate a conscious and responsible for motivation assumed the mandate and trust given to him. Parents guide because it's an obligation, because the child is a trust given by God to him. Conversely, if a parent as a coach is not unable to perform duties as a coach that might be due to busy with work or other reasons, then they in turn will have difficulty learning. Education of children is a parental responsibility fully. But should the demands of parents of children carrying out learning activities should not be too heavy for her children. In this case, parents need to remember and adjust to the child's development. Too many demands for the child will also cause bad things.

Keep in mind that child rearing should be tailored to the talents and abilities of children themselves, in addition to considering the ability and willingness of parents.

How do parents educate their children is also associated with parental knowledge about ways to educate the good. ability to properly educate parents at least supported by the level of education. Parents education level is high enough, can adjust the guidance which he gave to the needs of their children.

Families in this case the parent education level is high enough to educate their children properly. otherwise parents are low education levels tend to educate their children by not precise.

There is No Harmony

How important the involvement of all elements (competent) to provide guidance and counseling to the public on ways to form a harmonious family, because of this factor occurs due to a lack of understanding many of them in developing good housekeeping. Also, to those who have reached the age of marriage and wanted to get married, it should have from the beginning given the counseling / guidance, so that they can realize that domestic factors in understanding, maturity and love affection between the two sides must always be created and run. This is consistent with what is disclosed for establishing a harmonious domestic life, happy and spiritual birth, husband and wife achieve it.

Therefore, although divorce was forbidden, but if there is no other way again, so although still prohibited divorce may also be carried out because it is better result than to remain united because if there are parties who feel aggrieved and not fulfilled their rights then they will not feel happy and prosperous to hold divorce.

Moral crisis is a moral degeneration that occurs in human beings, it is influenced by environmental factors. Dad as a family that should be an example for their children just a big mistake. When fully realized all the parents' attitudes are indirectly and deliberate moral education and become an element in the child's personality. Therefore, if a child who was born and raised in domestic life or a religious family, harmony, peace and morality. So in later adult life the child will be noble and devout in religion in his life.

Child Education

In the family, the father and mother is a natural educator, not education position so naturally they can always close to his children. Therefore, if the structure and family interactions are no longer intact, it is difficult for the family that created a situation of calm and peace, resulting in the development of education for their children will experience difficulties.

Family is a place of education is first and foremost for children, the condition has a considerable effect on the smoothness of the child's education one of the factors that influence the social development of children is a factor of the family unit. According W.A. Gerungan DIPI Psych. That what is meant by unity is first of all is the unity within the family structure is that in the family is mom and dad beside her children. If no father and mother or both do not exist then, the family structure is not intact anymore. Also if the father and mother rarely went home and for months to leave their children out of duty or other things repeatedly, then the family structure and even then in fact no longer intact.

Parents as tutors or educators is an educational sub-systems or components that must exist and contribute to determine the education system, even holding a function and a central role in achieving educational goals. Education is the motor of the mechanism of the ongoing situation with education.

Man is the result of the education process. With this easy to be realized when one of the elements of education is associated with human behavior guidance with respect to a particular object. Educational practice no doubt would be a failure, but built a clear concept of basic human nature. This is likely to shed light torch how to accelerate progress in the field of science and technology that are not accompanied by the burden is too heavy by the progress for the sake of human happiness.

Causes of Divorce

Here are seven tips to know the main reason for a divorce.

1. Communication.
Lack of opportunity to communicate an intense, with good quality. For married couples, it is important to have room and emotion to be able to confide in each other, confide either praise, hope, pleasure and resentment.

Both sides need to have a full awareness and intention to discuss the issue with a cool head. The purpose of the discussion is to find a way out, not just to vent emotions.

2. Unrealistic expectations.
Hope the pair will change after marriage. This is related to the understanding of each party to the spouse. Often disputes occur because of the change of the pair.

Though the protest behavior is not necessarily physically or mentally harm a partner. Couples need to willingly lower expectations for the behavior of couples who are not of principle.

3. 'Power' In Marriage.
Some wanted a husband in control, anyone wants a wife who manage. Yet this is only a matter of consensus. Looks are not important, but in fact can lead the couple to court religious.

4. Role conflict.
In marriage there will be division of roles, such as who care for children, who make a living. This could be a source of conflict and cause discontent among the husband and wife. Especially now that many wives career.

5. Love faded.
Some say rather than given a feeling of falling in love, better given the strength to keep love. Because it needs to be nurtured to keep lit. Couples who are married, no matter how many years, needs to keep burning love, one with expressing affection.

6. Affair (The Third).
The existence of a third person to make a marriage difficult to sustain. In addition to the blind love, the most important things that actually make the marriage broke up the road is trust.

Once trust is lost, it is no longer reinforcing factor. Thus, married couples need to think long before playing with fire.

7. Sex.
This is the smallest of reasons for breakdown of a household, because sex can be ignored when a deep sense of affection are still preserved.